How To Lower Your Expectations From Others

"I should get the promotion in this quarter"
"My colleague should cooperate with me"
"My wife does not take care of the family well"
"He is my husband, he should support me"
"My friend did not come to see me when I was ill"
"He did not care for me when I needed the most"
"A friend must call in a difficult time"

All these statements sound so correct and convincing but having expectations from others, whether reasonable or unreasonable is disappointing. Things that you expect from others may not happen when you want or the way you want them to happen and sometimes may never happen. This is how life is, "unpredictable".

Ask yourself,
Is it ok to expect so much from someone?
Am I being realistic and reasonable with my expectations?
Do I want to live life with disappointments?
If expectations causes disappointments then, is it not better to be free from all the expectations?
How life will be different if I do not expect anything from anyone?

It is human nature to expect and is a significant reason for unhappiness. Expectations from a friend, spouse, colleague, boss, organization and tons of in a love relationship. Sometimes you may not even realize that your expectations are going way higher, unreasonable and unrealistic.

"To have expectations from others itself means to have disappointments."

Make use of below tips to lower your expectations from others:

Expect from yourself: How they will do and when they will do is not in your control. There will always be unpredictability. It is better to not to expect or wait for the accomplishment of your expectations. Things may happen with time. A wise man will expect from oneself instead. Focus on yourself, where you want to see yourself after a year, what you want to learn, how you can become a better version of yourself.  Expectations that you have from yourself should be more important for you.

Become eligible: If you deserve you will get it. But asses if you are expecting even before you have not become the eligible for that. If you were expecting a promotion but did not get, question yourself, "Have I developed the expertise required for the promotion I want?" If your answer is No then develop the skills or expertise required. Even if takes time, do not think that "I will be happy only after I get the promotion". Have faith and keep up the good work.


Accept the reality: Someone who is living in an illusion will have unrealistic expectations and have tons of disappointments. Having unrealistic and unreasonable expectations is as good as hurting yourself. Life's reality could be different from your imagination and thinking. Understand and accept reality and delete all the unrealistic expectations.  

Asses your strong belief: If you are in a love relationship where your partner is not truly in love with you then having a strong belief that your partner does love you can break you emotionally. Your belief might be based on true feelings but if your partner does not feel the same way, there is no point in having a strong belief. If it is meant to happen it will happen with time. Go easy with your belief.

Understand the qualities of the person: Check if you are expecting care from a careless person or kindness from a rude person or flexibility from a stubborn person. If yes then obviously it will disappoint you. They will behave the way they are and may not behave the way you want. Instead of that try to understand the good and bad qualities on that person and do not expect things that they are not good at. If you want to change someone bad quality then communicate kindly and forget about it.

When reasonable expectations are not fulfilled: Something that is very obvious for you can be an expectation for someone else, so your expectation may never be fulfilled. There can be multiple reasons behind it. 
For example, "if it was expected that your best friend will come to visit in the hospital, but he did not come". It may not mean that they don't care. They might be scared of the hospital and seeing his best friend in pain. Do not judge your friend rather think that this could also be an expectation. 
Another example, "If a boyfriend does not call and always be busy for his girlfriend then probably he does not really care for her." Understand your relationship and think that "probably they do not want to make a good relationship" or "why should I expect anything from and be with such a person". 
In any of the scenario, avoid bitterness between you two.  That is how you can maintain your peace and happiness.

Expect the unexpected: Just like life is unpredictable the people also are. Someone who you feel is a good friend today, can be a just a friend later or sometimes the worst friend ever. Expect people can change anytime based on their situation, need and thinking. If you don't want to be upset because of someone else then feel content about spending a good time with them and do not expect anything more than that. 

Leave it to them: Your wife or husband must be trying its best to make you and the family happy.  But if you expect and impose your beliefs and needs on your spouse then it will lead to conflicts. Let them do it in their own way. If you want your wife/husband to do anything specific then ask affectionately "Dear, can you do this, I think it will be good for both of us. Think about it." and leave it to them.

Don't expect everything from one person: Just one person can't bring all the happiness in your life. If you have a loving partner or a close friend but you think that you two are going to be happy together forever and this person will do everything to make you happy then you will get disappointed more often. For example, if the wife has tons of expectations from her husband and if he misses any single thing then she will be shattered and disappoint herself with her high expectations. You should give your partner or best friend some space and should not put the burden of expectations on them. A wise person will have some cherishable moments with a partner, some with friends, some with colleagues and some with parents. Be a wise human being.

Keep Patience: Few events in life take time to happen, they occur when the right time comes. But who knows which is the right time and who knows if will sustain after it happens. If you be impulsive, it will hurt you. Keep patience, stop waiting and be in the present moment. That is the best thing one can do. 

Never Ask for Affection: Sometimes people tend to ask or even beg for the affection, love, care and attention they want. If this person has affection for you and you are the priority then they will show up, be affectionate and will give attention to you. If you are not then they may not. You should not ask anyone to give love and care to you. This is an incorrect and disappointing way to get affection. If you want someone's love then become love.

Communicate and Leave: If it is something that you are not able to accept or still thinking about it then express and ask about it. Your intent should only be to let them know that you expected and to understand why they do not do it. Express and leave. Even after communicating, it may or may not materialize but at least you will be able to speak your mind and may come to know the reason which could be genuine or acceptable.

Be Empathetic: Everyone has its own limitations and capabilities. A kid may or may not be good in studies but in art. Your wife may not be having a discipline but could be a confident lady. Your husband may not be a party person but could be treating you well. Know and understand the capabilities of people, appreciate them for what they are and encourage them to learn new things.

Use these tips, reduce disappointments and stay happy in your life.

My question to you,
Does it now look easier to lower your expectations? 
How life will be different without expectations? 
Let me know in the comment section. 

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-Priya
Be Strong and Be Human! 

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